Argh. 

rather disappointed in myself. 

Did not complete the marathon... URGH! 

i just broke down at the 25km pit stop due to a torn tendon... 

couldn't even bent my knees and lift my legs up sia. 

to give up half way through the race where u are just 17km away from the finishing line feels damn sucky. 

on a second thought i knew i gave my best... 

i will conquer the 42km one day... 

but first my legs need a long long break. 

next year or maybe this year end, i will try for it again... 

endurance is the key. 

if only i gritted by teeth and endure the pain, 

but at least i tried to. 

42km... i will conquer you. 

i am finally thinking straight. 

hopefully, i keep this up... 

maybe shopping therapy helps... LOL. 

i wont give up... 

i wont give up... 

but it seems like everything is bleak. 

i wont give up... till the end. 

but it feels like it has come to the end. 

somehow, something in me tells me not to give up... 

but, i just feel so tired, very exhausted. 

if everything could end... if tomorrow never comes... if i could just disappear... if. 

hopefully when i wake up tomorrow, i will have the strength to carry on with this fight. 

am so tired, again. 

with life with everything else. 

i feel like giving up. give up everything. 

but there's someone holding me back... 

tell me what i should do... 

someone once told me... don't ever give up without a fight. 

but i feel so helpless. with no strength in me. 

when you go to war, you need soldiers and ammo, 

but i have none. only a body... 

tell me how i should do it?... 

everything happen for a reason... and the only reason i can think of is to defeat me once and for all... 

You must persevere when you feel like quitting. 

You must act when you are afraid. 

You must press on when you don't feel like you can. 

hang in. 

new job scope... hmm. 

i will do my best! 

its getting more exciting. 

but at the same time feeling a little jitterish about it. 

but nevertheless, i am still loving it.

the power woman. 

Wahaha... 

i think i got to bored the other day that i threw tantrums all over the place again. 

rah! 

retail therapy please!! 

over the weekends went over to JB 

cheap food, cheap stuff, everything cheap cheap... 

haha. 

seems like 2009 pass rather fast. 

its almost the mid of the year already... 

till now, the year was good, a fair share of downs too. 

hopefully more shinny days ahead... less mood swings, less stressed-up, less of everything not-so-go0d. 

met up the other time with Veron and Eunice for dinner at J8 

wanted to catch up but in the end was too tired to even find something to talk. 

was literally sleeping with my eyes open. 

a newly acquired skill over the months. 

my days are spent sleeping through the day and up for the night. 

i'm turning nocturnal. 

ha. 

random posting again 

photos soon i guess... if i am not too lazy. 

sometimes, changes is just a step forward. 

HAIS... 

things seem to change.

have i changed? or is it the people? or both? 

i don't understand. 

i finally had my haircut with Jaren and the money was well spent! 

WOHOO! i am happy. 

nice hair wash... and head massage, of course, a good hair cut. 

expensive but worth it.  

had Sakae Sushi for dinner on Sat with baby after the haircut. 

and some how we got a little sick of it aleady. HA. 

next time we should go back to Sakuraya Fish Mart for the damn good Sashimi... and cold tofu... 

*drool* 

did some decent shopping over the weekends 

Saturday at Orchard and Sunday at the new mall in Tampines 

bought Burberry perfume... shopping makes me happy!!! 

and now i am aiming for a bag... the triple B. 

hopefully i can have them soon... 

i want more shopping! 

i'm gg to work tmr already... boo... 

DIE DIE DIE... 

Ethics and governance more difficult than i thought... 

why can't i learn from my mistakes?!?!?! 

DAMN! i am so irritated now 

i thought, you think, who confirm... 

i am so tired. not the kind of tiredness when all you need to do is sleep and it will go away.
like, exhausted. physically, mentally and emotionally.
complete wear out.

i miss u...
its been days since i last saw you.
gonna wait till Friday.

sometimes, life is a chore. a very difficult one.

sometimes, its good to ponder about things late in the night, 

minus the tears and everything else. 

the beginning of a day is always so peaceful, like the beginning of a child's life. 

then, as time passes, everything just turned chaotic and complicated. 

when i think about the future, i see nothing but nothing. 

darkness. 

pitch-black. 

bleak. 

everything don't seem to be falling into place lately. 

i hate everything out there. 

i hate myself most. 

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. 

grr. 

last paper this friday... if i hadn't missed the first 2 papers. 

thanks for reminding me about it. 

losing the momentum to study. 

i can't see what's ahead, and some issues with the school is making things worse. 

or maybe, 

i'm just losing the will to do anything. 

nothing seem to be of interest lately, 

and i feel so irritated about life. 

think its those issues at school that is making me this way. 

if the panel approve my application, it shall be great, but if they don't... i don't know what will happen... to me... to the future - if there is any to even begin with. 

shucks. 

i hate feeling this way: unmotivated and uninterested. 

i am losing control, losing grip... and soon losing everything. 

better off dead.